Find your tail
Went to the osteopath yesterday - this old guy whose been practicing for 35 years and is some kind of guru cos my other osteo referred me to him. Anyway, his advice for my bad back? 'Find your tail'.... Hm... Just find your tail. Lengthen it away from you. Imagine you're a kangaroo and have your tail to balance on. Um, right.
And then - Now close your eyes and imagine the table beneath you. How does the table feel? What is it trying to tell you? Eh? Uh, well my body is feeling supported?
No, no. How does the table feel? What's it doing? I uh, don't know. It's lying there? Like you know, a table? What energy is it producing in you? Geez, that's a tough one. So basically I make something up like it's uh tilted. And he's like yes, yes, it's tilted. What else? It's vibrating? Yes, let it vibrate. Let it move beneath you, let it push you from side to side till you settle back down. And there I'm thinking, should I have pressed some kind of button? I mean it's just a hard massage table, should it be doing something special? I tell you what though, the pillow on the table smelt like it'd been there for 35 years. I mean, OK so he put a sheet over it but still, like change the pillow once in a while. Anyway so this osteo tells me to go away and when I'm sitting to think of my tail. Hm, can't help but think I'd just put a wad of pound of notes in a blender then shoved them down the drain. Plus my back's still sore.
And then - Now close your eyes and imagine the table beneath you. How does the table feel? What is it trying to tell you? Eh? Uh, well my body is feeling supported?
No, no. How does the table feel? What's it doing? I uh, don't know. It's lying there? Like you know, a table? What energy is it producing in you? Geez, that's a tough one. So basically I make something up like it's uh tilted. And he's like yes, yes, it's tilted. What else? It's vibrating? Yes, let it vibrate. Let it move beneath you, let it push you from side to side till you settle back down. And there I'm thinking, should I have pressed some kind of button? I mean it's just a hard massage table, should it be doing something special? I tell you what though, the pillow on the table smelt like it'd been there for 35 years. I mean, OK so he put a sheet over it but still, like change the pillow once in a while. Anyway so this osteo tells me to go away and when I'm sitting to think of my tail. Hm, can't help but think I'd just put a wad of pound of notes in a blender then shoved them down the drain. Plus my back's still sore.
posted by samscomps at 5:58 pm
6 Comments:
ah yes, but at least it's creative bullshit... Maybe finding my tail will help. I mean we used to have a tail but just evolved over a hundred thousand years to not having one. Right?
Maybe you are missing your tail, sub-consciously, you know?
I hope your back feels better. Nothing worse than a sore back.
His theory is fine - we do have the remnants of a tiny tail - but all osteo's are charlatans.
Go to a real doc. We'll take your money and our pillows are really cool and sweet smelling. Honest.
I’ve just sniffed mine and feel quite relaxed, in a Persil-induced kinda way…
Well sure, we used to have tails, but there's a reason we evolved it off our asses - leave your tail behind you (sic), it can only bring trouble...
I've been to a real doc ro! And no, no sweet smelling pillows, although it was on the NHS. I tell you what though, the guy had some cheek (my NHS doctor that is) he actually tried to sell me some Herbal life products and gave me his wife's card in case I wanted to buy any of them. Honestly, the NHS eh? Guess you can't blame him from wanting to supplement his income though.
Oh, you can. The average GP is paid far too much and/or does far too little for what he's paid.
My advice is to go and make a complete nuisance of yourself until he writes a letter to your local hospital and refers you to someone who actually knows what they're doing.
Either that or go for the Herbalife…
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