Caught tube handed

You see it all the time, you'll be sitting on the tube, waiting for the doors to close (sometimes it's a bit of a waiting game, are they going to close? how many more suckers can they squeeze in before they close?) and then right at the end some idiot will come along, pay no heed to the beep beep sound that the closing tube doors make and stick their foot/leg/briefcase/head/baby in the doorway so the driver has to open the door for their slow moving arses to get in. I've seen people do this trick then stand in the doorway till each one of their twenty friends gets in. Well something about this manoeuvre must've seeped in to my consciousness. For after a nice relaxing session of cranial osteopathy (dont those two words just send you adrift into a state of bliss?) I went to catch the tube and ran up the stairs two at a time, heard the beep sound, saw the doors close, but somewhere in my head something told me - go for it, stick your arm in. And thats what I did. I stuck my arm into the closing door and guess what. The bastard slam shut on it. There I was with my arm stuck in the closed tube door. My flailing hand inside the carriage, whilst the rest of my body stuck outside on the platform trying to pull it out. The lovely tube driver though didnt bother opening the door, nobody inside the carriage bothered helping me, and I for a split second thought what if this bloody train starts to move. Then out of nowhere a guy comes and starts to help me, he pulls open the doors so i can get my hand out, the tube doors slam shut. The driver shouts something and the train starts to move. The guy who helped me just stood and stared at the perfect A-grade idiot before him. So embarrassing... I have been since informed that one must stick a foot or leg in, not one's arm. With a foot or leg you can use your arms to prise the door open. Not that I intend to do that manoeuvre again - well not until the next cranial osteopathy session.

Being sick sucks

With all the complaining and whingeing I do, it's only when I fall ill that I realise that at least I've got my health - because it sucks so magnificently much to be sick. It's only when you're sitting in your NHS waiting room with dozens of other sniffling, sneezing, whingeing pathetic souls waiting to be served up like mucusey slop to the GP who assesses your illness with his half-glazed/half-dead eyes only to send you packing with the standard ibuprofen and antibiotic combo (would you like a nasal spray with that?) do you realise that you dont even have the energy to be angry anymore. And where's the fun in that? A life without anger is a life half-lived or something like that isnt it? Luckily I'm slowly starting to recover and slowly starting to uncover all the many injustices I have missed out on during my hiatus. Bring it on...

How I've offended people in the last couple of days

Told a friend's boyfriend he reminded me of Steve Coogan - cos he totally does. It's uncanny - just dont understand why other people don't get it. Anyway, my friend tells me ever since the comment "I'm in his black book." OK so its not so much the way he looks but the way he talks like him.

Told a Puerto Rican I didnt understand the controversy about the Seinfeld episode where Kramer accidentally burns a Puerto Rican flag. Apparently it was unbelievably offensive. Guess I'm not Puerto Rican so I can't judge, but I thought it wasn't done to cause offense.

be adding to this list later...

Blackboard jungle

Wow its been a week since I last wrote - which doesnt bode well for the future of this blog. Not like i'll have all these sad readers who'll lament its passing. But I dont want to RIP it just yet. Been a pretty busy girl:

5 scripts due in 5 days - an actual paid commission!
4 social engagements plus 2 professional in 4 days (yeah i'm such the social butterfly - not)
Corrupting the next generation - every week.

I've been teaching primary school kids how to write plays after school. All together now - Awwwwwww! Yeah they are greeeat kids. :P
Did get into a bit of a war of wills with this little girl who I made sit at the front of the class cos she was annoying me. And she's like No I'm sitting at the Back. I'm like no you're sitting at the front. Repeat x 2. The other teachers are looking at me like uh, you're not supposed to argue with the kids. Hey nobody taught me to teach! You're lucky I turn up. No of course its not like that. It's all very sweet and nice and we dance around in meadows. And I'm so grateful to have this opportunity to pass on my skills to the children, the lovely children.

Scary moment: doing an exercise with a kid about acting out something he's experienced recently and he mentions seeing a man jumping off a building to his death. London kids eh, they're hard by 8.