Hello?

Hello... hello.. hello.... Been too long.

In stasis

Well life has certainly blown up, combusted, is beyond recognition since Baby came along. Baby who is the absolute apple of my eye but is so damn Exhausting. Baby who needs to be continuously entertained and brought into the toilet with me. Baby who is brilliant but wont let mummy sleep. Hence I have no energy to be angry anymore. Sometimes I'm on Automaton. Is that even a word? Me No Write... Me no Brain pwoer.. Power to create coherent sentences.
So like Andy Murray what the fuck is the deal with that guy? Yeah dont get his appeal.
thats about it for now...

Downward dog

Have started doing Ashtanga - I know look at me doing yoga, living in Notting hill, who do I think I am, I make myself sick.

Aside from the self-loathing I've never got the appeal of yoga - I've done it in gyms before and it's been pretty crap. All these lycra clad hippy-shaking yogi wannabes purveying a spiritual philosophy thats thousands years old as exercise! That would never be appealing if taught by an old Indian man, so they get these posh toffs who spent a Summer in Goa thinking yes! I know! Yoga! That's my calling! Pah!

But, I've decided, that there must be something to it. So I've booked myself in to a Beginners Ashtanga course. All sounded good in theory, but now when the inevitable day toils around - the day of the class - I start getting the jitters. It's dark, it's cold. Have I eaten well enough in advance so there is no gas toiling away in my nether regions waiting be released at just the wrong moment? What do I wear? What about VPL? How much of a view of my backside is the guy standing behind me getting when I do the downward dog? Dude you're meant to be hanging your head low, not looking up!

Sigh, four more sessions to go before the course is up. Can't wait.

I love seafood

Memories of a summer bank holiday in spain - all I can remember is the seafood - mmm keeps me warm in Winter.

A prawn too far - I love prawns but that was one prawn too much!

Maddog 357

The title says it all - you gotta be a maddawwwg to try. The most insane, hallucination inducing, molten lava chilli sauce you'll ever try. I promise. Just make sure its not more than a tiny dab unless you want to burn through your intenstines... mmm pleasant thought. I had the misfortune of eating this at a restaurant on westbourne grove and it literally blew me away - surprised no one's sued them yet! Well, it is an american diner style place...

Lost in the ether

Where have I been aside from being lost amongst all the millions of voices in the 0011001100s of the WWW.
Condensed it goes like this -
finished my novel but the agent who likes it wants me to rewrite - we meet but she hasnt signed me on - i find this confusing. I have rewritten but too scared to send it...
Travelled to three continents in six weeks - now feel guilty about carbon footprint
spent time with my family who I see on an annual basis - realise its been 3 years since I saw one of my brothers - when we meet we act like we saw each other yesterday. Miss them like hell.
Gotten on facebook, and find myself addicted to it more than tea - think the addiction will last for 6 months before i get bored.

But most of my time I'm considering what the hell I'm doing with my life - actually consider going back to office work but then don't want to be standing on the ledge of a building contemplating jumping off in a year's time...

So lets see

Emergency straightening

Vending machines - they go where no shopkeeper dares to go - train platforms, dark alleys, that deserted corner of the airport where all the no-frills airlines disembark, bar toilets, all in the name of convenience... Sure I can understand dispensing fatty crisps, and fizzy drinks, hey I've even seen ones at airports dispensing trashy paperbacks, but a hair straightener? I was in Birmingham a few days ago and saw this gadget in a bar toilet. Like really, why? Is frizz the worst thing that could happen to you in a darkened bar in the Midlands? Hot irons and alcohol combined could have some fun effects though.

Don't you love this photo. What could they be talking about?

Blonde: Oh my god can you believe I forgot to straighten my hair?

Brunette: Yeah and you stink too - want a spritz?

Blonde: Sure, and then later we can talk about our sanitary needs.

Brunette: Absolutely! Right after we bitch about our "best friend" who happens to be in one of the cubicles right now.

Blonde: Yes, public toilets are the best place to bitch about friends - they are so private and no one else can hear you. Ooh shit I just electrocuted myself, lucky I'm brain dead enough to not notice.

Oh I'm sure they're both very nice girls.

Fishy dinner

I made this dish last week and I was so proud I took a photo.

Grilled trout with fresh chilli and coriander and garlic potato mash.

Talking of photos I was looking through photos of M's 28th birthday and in every one I'm either finding something absolutely hilarious or I've got a stupid grin on my face. It was a tequila bar, but as the old adage goes, one cocktail, two cocktail, three cocktail, floor. Thank god no floor show occurred. Still it wouldn't hurt if I'd straightened up for a shot or two.

Things to make you go hmmm - part deux

Had an interesting discussion with a bunch of Brits - sorry that sounded like an insult right - no some lovely people who happened to all be British about the use of the C word (rhymes with hunt - for reference see MI2 - the scottish bad guy spitting out Hunt at Tom Cruise is brilliant) They were all flabbergasted that someone could find the word offensive. I mentioned how in Australia no one used the word - well at least with the people I hung out. But apparently Aussies use it even more regularly than Brits. I guess if you live in the Outback and hang out with sheep shearers... Over here saying the word is akin to saying excuse me, or hello... Which I guess would be a very pleasant way to be greeted I'm sure. Had to spend the rest of the night being referred to by C-word - apparently it was a form of bonding....

Been forcing myself to go to the gym, but I've been noticing a lot of people who try to esuage the gym-guilt by taking a magazine or a book and plonking themselves on a stationary bike before peddling with the most minimum of efforts - apparently in the belief that they are exercising. Uh, no you're not. The gym is meant to kill, it's meant to work up a sweat, its not a pleasant place to while away the afternoon - I dont care if it is a posh gym in Notting Hill - the gym is awful. It's hideous. You want to burn the maximum number of calories and get the hell out of there. What's wrong with these people? You are neither exercising nor are you reading the book/magazing properly - chuck your book and get to work people!

What's with all the bloody building works happening - spring is here and everyone is trying to spruce up their flats - except that if you work from home it can mean being privvy to the harmonious sounds of drilling and hammering - kind of like a melodic axing of one's skull. Ah spring how lovely you bloom, with your daffodils and your jackhammers.